dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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