i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
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He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
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I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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