Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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