My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
