Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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