I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
