And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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