evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
