i don't like sucking hair
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
