Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she peed on how many people?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
