that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
