He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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