Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
