im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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