I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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