when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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