FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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