When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
