Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
