I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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