We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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