all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
