I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
