Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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