just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
