you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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