yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
