I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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