The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
