guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
