and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
