i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
sarcasm needs its own font
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
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