Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
