I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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