We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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