Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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