So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
How's work?
Spinning.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
