I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i believe in u and ur pee
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
