At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
