i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
