I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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