I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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