It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
