Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
