you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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