I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
