have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
