Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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