don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
