You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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