is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
