she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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