Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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