I accidentally burped into my bong.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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