I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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