I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
