She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
