My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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