eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
