Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
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It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
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the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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