Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i already hear my dad disowning me
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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