I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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