It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She said her name was "party"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
