i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
