my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Blood and glitter go together right?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
