i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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