I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She bit a glass in half.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
