Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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