I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
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Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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