YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
