3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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