If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I love having hate sex.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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