i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
