Cold hands, warm shart.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
