Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
