i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
