no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
