And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
