i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
